my little blogging break explained

Hiya guys long time no see.

So I have jumped back on the bandwagon and restarted my blog. I decided to take a break as my head was all over the place with not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and just generally being in a bit of a rubbish place.

I have definitely come to the conclusion that I HATE working in retail. I can’t keep doing it, it is literally making me so unhappy at the thought of even going into work.

So my resolution to this is stick it out a little while longer,  then I’m going back to college to retrain in something I have wanted to do since I was a teenager. I would love to work as a teaching assistant in a school, not just because of the hours and not just because of the holidays, I want to be able to make a difference to these coming generations. I want to be able to make a difference in someone’s life.

I remember being back in high school and I was one of the most badly behaved children there, it wasn’t through choice but as a teenager I went through a really emotional time and this came out in a negative way that didn’t benefit me at all. My mum then decided we were moving abroad, (sounds like a dream come true for most, I really didn’t want to be in a completely different country where I had no friends or couldn’t even make new ones as I didn’t speak the language) so after a few months I came back to the UK on my own at the age of 15, I went back to school and if it hadn’t of been for one truly amazing lady I would never of passed the exams that I did sit. I owe a lot to her, not only for helping me with school but she made me realise that what she does as a teaching assistant is incredibly difficult. She is my role model and I would love to be half as good as her some day.

This career change would benefit my family so much, I hate having to leave my son especially during the weekends and half term as I don’t get to see him that much. I know it is all part and parcel of working but when I’m not able to tuck him in at night and give him a kiss it breaks my heart and his.

Another reason why I’ve been rather down is body image/confidence. I was at a stage in life where nothing seemed right, my skin has been disgusting, non of my clothes fitted. I had literally just come to a point where I really didn’t care how I looked anymore. But a few weeks of some real hard looks in the mirror and a good talking to by myself and my boyfriend,  I have decided that yeah maybe my skin does have blemishes, I don’t always fit into a certain size, and I am definitely not going to be able to please everyone all of the time. As long as I am happy with who I am and my two most important people in my life love me then what the he’ll does it matter!

Well I have rambled on quite a bit, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to get it all out, not only to help me but maybe there will be someone reading this in a similar situation, hopefully they will sit and think well my life does not just stop because you have a rubbish job and feel like there is no way out. There is always a way, always new opportunities, always new doors to walk through, and if there is no new doors to go through make one, just for you!

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings, I appreciate each and everyone of you.

But for now it’s time to go.

I hope to see you all again soon


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